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Its so hot in
Kansas.....
The birds have to
use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
You discover
that you can get sunburned through your car window.
You actually
burn your hand opening the car door.
Your biggest
bicycle wreck fear is, 'What if I get
You realize that
asphalt has a liquid state.
The potatoes
cook underground, so all you have to do is
Farmers are
feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from
The Baptists
have started sprinkling.
The Methodists
are using a wet wash cloth.
The
Presbyterians are giving rain checks.
The Catholics
are trying to turn wine back into water.
Kansas according to Jeff Foxworthy:
An old country farmer with serious financial problems bought a mule from another old farmer for $100, who agreed to deliver the mule the next day. However, the next day he drove up and said, "Sorry, but I have some bad news: The mule died." "Well, then, just give me my money back." "Can't do that. I went and spent it already." "OK, then. Just unload the mule." "What ya gonna do with a dead mule?" "I'm going to raffle him off." "You can't raffle off a dead mule!" "Sure I can. I just won't tell anybody he's dead." A month later the two met up and the farmer who sold the mule asked, "Whatever happened with that dead mule?" "I raffled him off just like I said I would. I sold 500 tickets at $2 a piece and made a profit of $898." "Didn't anyone complain?" "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."
Kansas Humor You know you're from Kansas if: 1. You no longer associate bridges or rivers with water. 2. You never met any celebrities. (Bob Dole isn't a celebrity, he's your neighbor.) 3. You know the meaning of Rock Chalk Jayhawk. 4. Your closest neighbor is more than a mile away, and you can still see him from your front porch. 5. You can properly pronounce Salina, Basehor, Schoenchen, Kechi and Osawatomie. 6. Going on vacation means going to Hutch to the fair, Abilene to Ikes house or Boot Hill to see Miss Kitty. 7. You know exactly what calf fries are, and eat them anyway. 8. A traffic jam involves two cars staring each other down at a four-way stop, each determined to be the most polite and let the other go first. 9. A Mercedes Benz is not a status symbol. A Ford F150 4x4 is. (except in Johnson County) 10. You discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car. 11. The terms Sooners and Huskers cause the hairs on the back of your neck to stand up straight and your blood pressure to rise. GO K-STATE 12. You have owned at least one belt buckle bigger than your fist. 13. You think that people who complain about the wind in their states are sissies. 14. You are not surprised to find movie rentals, ammunition and bait all in the same store. 15. You know that the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door but by the availability of shade. 16. You have been asked, Where is Toto more than once. 17. You prefer the Little Apple over the Big Apple as a place to live. ANY DAY 18. You had at least one summer job that was bucking bales or custom cutting. 19. You understand the difference between 3.2 and 6 point and more than once you've made a beer run to another state. HELL YEAH 20. You learned how to shoot a gun before you learned how to multiply. 21. Your school classes have been canceled because of the cold. 22. You know in your heart that K-State can beat Nebraska in football. 23. Traffic congestion is ten cars waiting to pass a combine on the highway. 24. You have had to switch from heat to A/C in the same day. 25. You know everything goes better with Ranch. 26. You call that smell coming from the feedyards...Money. 27. Your school classes have been canceled because of the heat. 28. You complain that you can not see Scott City...And you are in Dighton! 29. You know that Mt. Oread is really only just a hill. 30. You have seen people wear bib overalls to funerals and weddings. 31. You have ridden the school bus for more than an hour each way. THE BINKY BUS 32. Over 50% of your wardrobe is purple. (GO K-STATE) 33. In August you break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7a.m. 34. You instantly know someone is from Johnson County when they call everything west of Topeka... Western Kansas. 35. A tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and look for a funnel. 36. You know the real way to pronounce the name of Clintons state and the river... arKANSAS. 37. You think the opening day of pheasant season is a national holiday. 38. You NEVER liked Norm Stewart. Finally, you are 100% Kansan if you have ever had this conversation: You wanna pop? Yeah. What kind? Dr. Pepper.
To all of you who are from Kansas . . . or are somehow associated with it. This is CLASSIC! You know that you're from Kansas when... During a storm you check the cattle before you check the kids. You are related to more than half the town (or church?!!). You can tell the difference between a horse and a cow from a distance. Your car breaks down outside of town and news of it gets back to town before you do. Without thinking, you wave to all oncoming traffic. You don't put too much effort into hairstyles due to wind and weather. There's a tornado warning and the whole town is outside watching for it. The local gas station sells live bait. You don't buy all your vegetables at the grocery store. You go to the State Fair for your family vacation. You get up at 5:30 a.m. and go down to the coffee shop. You're on a first name basis with the county sheriff. When little smokies are something you serve on special occasions. You have the number of the Co-op on speed dial. All your radio preset buttons are country. You try to find the cheapest room rates when going out of town. Using the elevator involves a grain truck. Your mayor may also be your garbage hauler, barber, or insurance salesman. You know you should listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit. You call the wrong number and talk to the person for an hour anyway. Your excuse for getting out of school is that the cows got out. You know cow pies aren't made of beef. You wake up when it's dark and go to bed when it's still light. You listen to "Paul Harvey" every day at noon. You can tell it's a farmer working late in his field and not a UFO. Your nearest neighbor is in the next area code. You know the difference between field corn and sweet corn when they are still on the stalk. You know the code names for everyone on the CB. You can eat an ear of corn with no utensils in under 20 seconds. You wear your boots to church. It takes 30 seconds to reach your destination and it's clear across town. You can tell the smell of a skunk and the smell of feed lot apart. The meaning of true love is that you'll ride in the tractor with him. You go to Wal-Mart for your Saturday shopping. You know what it's like as a child to sit and pray to the radio they'd announce your school had a heat or a snow day. You know how to play Hit the Tumbleweed. You know the difference in the pronunciations of the word Arkansas when speaking of the state or the river. You know the difference in the pronunciation of the word El Dorado when speaking of the actual city or the mythical city. You never have to ask the question, "What's a Jayhawk?" Your main drag in town is two blocks long. You defend the beauty of being able to see the next town which is 20 miles away. You say pronounce the word "W-A-S-H" as "W-A-R-S-H"
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