Hotline Answering Menu
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"Hello.  Welcome to the PSYCHIATRIC HOTLINE.....

- If you are OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE, please press 1 -- repeatedly.

- If you are CO-DEPENDANT, please have someone press 2 for you!

- If you have MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

- If you are PARANOID-DELUSIONAL we know who you are and what you
  want. Just stay on the line so we can trace your call.  We'll come
  and get you!

- If you are SCHIZOPHRENIC, listen carefully and a little voice will
  tell you which number to press.

- If you are PSYCHOTIC, stab button 8.  It deserves it.

- If you are ANOREXIC, press 9.  If the line is busy, have a little
  snack while you wait

Click here to return!